An Online Marketing Firm’s Night Before Christmas
December 23, 2013 - Posted by Angela von Weber-Hahnsberg
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the biz
Not an SEO was stirring – not even that new girl, Liz.
The keywords were placed in clients’ websites with care,
In hopes that tons of web traffic soon would be there;
The interns were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of guest blogging opps danced in their heads;
And the SMMs in excitement, and the bloggers in elation
Were all looking forward to a few days of vacation.
When on Google Analytics there arose such a clatter,
All sprang to their laptops to see what was the matter.
Away to Windows they flew in a dash,
Tore open their browsers and prayed they wouldn’t crash.
The glow of their screens in the darkness of night
Made it clear that nearby, something just wasn’t right.
For who to their wondering eyes had shown up
But a guy they recognized as Google’s Matt Cutts!
He was running around, so lively and quick,
They knew in a moment he was up to some new trick.
More rapid than eagles his algorithm changes they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
“Now, Penguin! Now, Panda! Now Hummingbird too!
On, Phantom! On, May Day! On, Caffeine and Penguin 2!
To the top of the search results! To the top of the page!
Now dash away! Dash away! Let people engage!”
As solitaire cards, after a victory trounced,
When they meet with the screen’s edge, begin to bounce,
So up to their laptops his updates they flew
With their pages of results, and Matt Cutts himself, too.
And then in a twinkling, they heard on the keyboard
The clicking of keys as his changes struck a chord.
As they drew back their hands, and were turning around,
Down into the internet Matt Cutts jumped with a bound!
He was dressed in a T-shirt, some jeans and some glasses,
And he looked ready to teach a bunch of online classes.
A bundle of updates he held tight in his hand,
And he looked like he’d help if you ever got spammed.
His eyes – how they twinkled! His big smile – how merry!
A brand new update fluttered around like a fairy.
He grabbed it and held it so it wouldn’t be feared
Then he rubbed his chin where there once was a beard.
The Google logo was displayed on the wall
And the O it encircled his head like a ball.
He had a projector screen up, and a little laser pointer
That shook when he laughed like a fly-fishing angler.
He was excited to share something, about a new change,
And they cringed at the thought of the new keywords they’d have to arrange
But a click on his video and everything he said
Soon gave them to know they had nothing to dread.
He spoke many words, letting online marketers know
That his gift would let Google help them rake in the dough.
The new algorithm was specially designed
To make it easier for marketers to optimize clients’ sites.
Then he sprang from the laptop, to his updates gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like a lightning-speed missile.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he flew out of sight,
“Happy online marketing to all, and to all a good night!”